Winter is Coming... so to speak

How does one keep hidden in plain sight?

Well, if you know well those who seek what you wish to conceal it can be a choice location. Just ask C. Auguste Dupin how he found the purloined letter. It’s Poe, look it up!

Generally, a good piece of literature has a theme. The theme is, as they say, pulled by a string through the work. Well ladies and gentlemen, my string likes to meander, and this isn’t a piece of literature, it’s the computer written ranting of a man who wonders if other people actually care about what he has to say. Well this man also believes if you don’t, then stop reading! (Not really; keep reading anyway).

My aim is always to educate and entertain my wonderful readers so I do hope you enjoy this playful banter. As I hate the word “blog” I attempt to avoid it. Therefore, this is a spiel. My spiel. A Wolfenspiel.

I think my last spiel’s theme revolved around darkness and disappearing blonds. Well that’s all well and fun but this one is about avoiding the heat! Not just weather-wise, but the heat of perceptions, assumptions and speculation. But first…. Here’s to summer!

Iggy Wit 20.11

With the past years extreme winter and the current summer, it’s only logical to parallel my beers to the climate. My first written account of beer (or maybe second) announced the birth of the Iggy Wit. Twas a smooth, spicy, classic Belgian Wit: a fan favorite that was quickly drained of its life’s blood. Then something awful happened… Iggy moved away! First upstate and then to our enemies... I mean neighbors to the north. Iggy is all the way in Vancouver but his wit lives on. This time around I added actual bitter orange peel and grains of paradise along with a spoonful of coriander. When I say actual I mean that I went to the beer store and bought 2 grams of each. Last time I just shaved orange and bought ground grains of paradise. The latter I recommend as a stand in for ordinary black pepper.

The affable shopkeeper warned me about the bitter orange and now I know why. It is sharp. The sweet orange peel would have lent a, well you guessed it, sweet flavor to the beer whereas the bitter adds quite a bit of tang. It is a lot like lemon ice (especially homemade). The initial splash of wit tingles the tongue and puckers your lips. Then you realize its 100 degrees out and the tanginess is quite refreshing. At least that’s what I am hoping all you lucky enough to drink this summer nectar will feel. Just tonight I had the Iggy Wit with some dry rubbed grilled chicken and a perfect ear of corn. The beer made an astounding accompaniment, especially to the sweetness of the corn.

My only issue with this beer is the lack of head. We all know my stand on this issue. Gotta have more head. As you can see, the great foam sea is but a still lake. But as one hat said to the other, , 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.' Ba doom pa. I’ll be here all night, folks.

The Purloined Hefe.

Wolf’s Hoppaweizen

Like the Iggy wit, the Hoppaweizen is a rendition of an old classic… only a Stu’s Brews classic. Yes, I take praise for naming the beer, but ole farmer Stu created this monstrously delectable intoxicatingly quaffable adjective-filled beer.

Since the godfather retired from beer making I have humbly carried the carboy, so to speak. In doing so, I have found a new audience that sprouted right up under my nose, or cubicle really, and I intend to keep them thirsty. There is nothing like the trials and tribulations of a no fault attorney to get one in need of a cold and exciting malt beverage. It can be quite stressful having to adjourn so many cases!

To quench that stress I have recreated the hoppy wheat beer. With it come banana and clove notes, piney and citrusy undertones and the newest element, chocolate. This beer is a take on the classic dunkelweizen - a dark German wheat beer. However, I added lots of American hops. The original hoppaweizen was a standard hefeweizen jacked up with massive hops, but added late to the boil. I did the same but of course added dark malts to get that lingering chocolate flavor.

The beer first reminded me of a special brownie. (Not that I really know what one tastes like…) This dunkelweizen has piney, grassy spice with hints of chocolate. I had one earlier today using the proper glassware (as if any of you doubted me), and I really have no complaints. For me, the beer has the classic flavors which remind me of sitting at a park in Munich while simultaneously transporting me back to Portland, Oregon where I supped all manners of hoppy delights. Okay, I’m getting a bit carried away with my puffery. But why not? Beer is good. And at yeast I didn’t make another bad pun…

Dunkelweizen is one of my favorite styles, and when my neighbor made an incredibly delicious one I figured I’d give it a go. The only big difference is that I used some serious American Warrior hops. I was hoping to impart an herbal aroma and a bit of a bitter kick to an otherwise toasty sweet flavored beer. So far so good, as Brian Adams would say. (You guys remember that album? It had summer of 69 and that Robin Hood Song. Admit it, you liked it. Probably still do). Anywhoo, this beer is a favorite of mine because it goes well with the smoked pork I have been dancing with all summer. There is something about the richness of the chocolate wheat mixed with the burnt pork flavor that tickles my taste buds. Yes, it reminds me of sitting in Munich eating sausage and pretzels, but there is something to be said for enjoying a liter of hefeweizen while devouring a bratwurst in the cool German spring. For now, it suffices to melt away on my deck while enjoying the best smoked ribs anyone has ever had. Yes, I am modest to a fault…

AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHILDREN OF ALL AGES OVER ONE AND TWENTY…. I PRESENT TO YOU…..

LE GRANDIOSE FINALE D'ÉTÉ

The Double Wit

Doesn’t that name just invite bad puns? Well, I challenge you all to come up with the puniest name for this double wit. Remember, it must be “twice as witty” (get it, double wit)….. Let the melee begin.

And in case you are still reading, or perhaps actually care to know what makes up this detectibly droll beer, tis made much like the Iggy Wit, but with lemon zest and ginger in replace of orange and pepper. This beer will also be a bit stronger, hence the title of double. As of this writing, the beer is bottled and stored away in my 80 degree basement. One thing the heat didn’t oppress is the flavor of this brew. I was surprised at how tasty it was, even without carbonation. It actually tasted smoother and lighter than the Iggy Wit. Hopefully, it will help get the faithful through these dog days of summer. Those out by the shore don’t need as much help as us city dwellers. (Yes, I live by the water, but it’s still in NYC so back off!)

To everyone, I hope the heat hasn’t killed you yet. I hope my beers keep you cool and quenched. And if you thought you were done with your weekly reading quota, guess again.

If I were to give you a pint of beer and asked you to create more alcohol, what would you do? More than likely you would pour in some vodka or whisky, cross your arms, grin and say, “There you go, Thomas, more alcohol.”

Yes, you are so cunning. The answer was there all along, right under your nose. But you did not find it. So you look more carefully at your surroundings. Where would I go to create more alcohol? Where would Dupin look? The alcohol is hiding in plain sight.

This all leads up to the bière impossible…. The German Eisbock.

Can it be done? Can a simple home brewer summon the cold powers of the hydromancer? I just made that word up. I figure if a pyromancer can summon fire why not hydromancer water? Go read Game of Thrones and you’ll understand!!!

So an eisbock eh? According to Beeradvocate, an Eisbock is like any other German bock except water is literally withdrawn to add alcohol sans adding additional fermentables. Now I don’t know much about science, but how the heck do you remove water from beer? For one thing, it has to freeze… hence the Eis. Then a portion of ice is removed, thus increasing the alcohol per volume.

Well, much like the inspiration for this chilly potion, tis a prize widely coveted but not easily won. The eisbock may be a callous creature, but there’s no time to be craven so I must carry on.

And just remember …. What song the Sirens sang, or what name Achilles assumed when he hid himself among women, although puzzling questions are not beyond all conjecture. --SIR THOMAS BROWNE, Urn-Burial.

Till next time,

Cheers